Wednesday, April 23, 2014

D&D Puns and Stuff

Okay folks, not much new to show off this week so I'll regale you with some of my gaming puns that I regularly tweet (yes I tweet: @GamersTableMike). Hate em or love em, puns have been a staple of my D&D humor for years. Standard apologies if you've hard any of these before. Enjoy (or not)...

  • Skeleton armies have a particular skull set.
  • Combat tactics: Fallen Footmen need Archer support.
  • Alcoholic Genies crawl into bottles.
  • Humanoid drunks go to orcaholics anonymous.
  • We had to pay to use the Troll bridge because we missed the Faerie crossing.
  • On the hole I always fall for pit traps.
  • If those Harpies have treasure they're not talon.
  • I think my next dungeon is going to have lizard men, kobolds, a hydra or basilisk and a few dragons in it. Or should I "scale" it back a bit?
  • When battling a dragon you don't need a plan, just wing it.
  • After going back to my roots, I overused Treants. Time for me to branch out again.
  • Battling a Rust Monster tests a fighters' metal.
  • Cockatrices and Gorgons turn people to stone? What a cock and bull story!
  • They say two heads are better than one, but it does take some Ettin used to.
  • Yuan-ti? Of course I want tea. That's a silly question.
  • When does all the mythic creatures party? Satyr Day!
  • Perseus wanted to ask out Medusa but he was too petrified.
  • Why are Ogres so jumpy? You would be too if you ate Brownies and Sprite all day.
  • Most D&D players hate solving riddles. They think it Sphinx.
  • Crossbows are no fun to be around and Shortbows are no good in a conversation.
  • Where in a forest can you find a unicorn? Near the Centaur.
  • Gelatinous cubes are fearless because they have nothing to ooze.
  • Wizards are easy to hit in melee because they skipped Armor Class.
  • I hadn't seen my mom's sister Galadriel for a thousand years and she remembered my name. It's true, an elf aunt never forgets.
  • I made a rogue-sorcerer once. It wasn't too bard.


John L said...

Adventurers eat their food slowly cos goblin' your food is bad for your 'elf

mortellan said...